When Did I Become So Busy??

For some reason ever since I had asked myself, when did I become so busy? It has been weighing on my heart. When did I really become so busy? Until one night coming home from work late at night and I get home, getting ready for bed and for some reason I could not fall asleep. And I knew instantly that God needed to speak with me. So I pulled out my journal. And I started writing. Before I went any further I started praying. My heart was so heavy and I knew it was one of those moments with God that I needed to be me and pray a real sincere prayer. After I prayed I got back to writing and instantly God spoke back to me. I realized while he was talking to me that the reason I stay so busy is because I am avoiding those transparent moments with God. I put this wall up and I beat myself up because I am running away from my fears instead of facing them. I can come to God about anything else but when it comes to doing a work in me and facing what is wrong with me, I run. God stresses it over and over again that he won't hurt me, he loves me flaws and all, and he will help me through this process. I became so numb that I didn't realize that I was running from my problems. When I talk about my past I always point the finger at somebody else but never really point it at myself. I am so used to being in control, never really put God first. Only when it's convient. I don't like the fact that I run from God. I run from the one who will heal me and make me whole. The thing that I battle with the most is the fact that I don't know how to lay my burdens down. I don't know how to surrender or submit. Me being me, I am so used to just letting things be for what they are. But I can't live that way forever. I want a change. I need a change. I am tired of living my way instead of Gods way. I know this is going to be a process. And I cannot wait to see the finish product. This battle is not mines, it's the Lord's.


I love the way how God works. I would be ashamed to be honest about myself and what I struggle with daily. To do the work he uses what I love to do and ministers to me at the same time. How can God have so much love and compassion for someone like me? A love that is so deep, that it will never run dry. Don't run from God. What he wants to do for you will change you completely. As living beings we cannot take this thing we call life for granted. Each day we get to wake up is just a blessing. It's God letting us know that I don't care about what happened yesterday. Today is a new day, let's start fresh. The past is the past. Greater is ahead of you. Stay encouraged. Believe and have faith in God. He won't fail you. Trust in him that all things will work out for the good. 

I love you all. Stay blessed. 

P.S. I am trying to get used to doing a blog daily. If you have a subject you want me to talk about leave it in the comments and I will get to it as soon as I can. 

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