God help, I need help
So I was just doing one of my studies and a question came up, what was the last thing that God told you to do? Are you doing it? And it made me go back into my old journal and over look one of my writings to God. I came up on the last journal entry and it was a conversation I was having with God and it happened to be a deep conversation.
God asked me if I was bitter, tired and why do I always fight him when it comes to him loving me completely. And I came to realize that at that time I may have said that I give God complete control over that area in my life, but I haven't. Because I was so used to being in control when it came to relationships, in this season of singleness I find it challenging to completely submit to God. I told God that I don't know why I keep running from him, and I never really understood the reason why. Until now. There was once a time where I became completely naked emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually in a relationship. Not once, but twice. Those times in my life impacted me the most and I see it taking full effect right now. I came to God, frustrated and ashamed because I was tired of living the way I was living. So I made the decision to place my promise ring on my finger. Making it my shelter against being naked again. Not realizing that I am being challenged mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. God is challenging me and I am constantly running away from him because I am afraid of being stripped and finding out some things about me and facing the past. So I control the situation by saying that I give it God but all I do is put it under the rug and cover it by saying, your will God and not mines. But I still have access to what I want God to take away from me. I'm searching for a love that is already given to me. God can love me past all my pain, past mistakes, hurt, and disappointments. He wants to love me but I fight him in that area. I was always so quick to put the blame on somebody else. He hurt me, he misled me, I am very disappointed in him. But not looking at the three fingers pointing back at me. What did I do wrong?
God is revealing some things about me but every time we get the topic about relationships I never know the reason why I do the things I do. But I can easily point the finger at the other person. "Well God he hurt me! I did nothing wrong but love him and give my all!", and your point is? 2 Corinthians 6:14 (MSG) says, "Don't become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That's not partnership; that's war". It was a constant war between keeping the person in my life and hurting myself by trying to make them stay. When God came to me and said that he wants me for who I am. I ran. But still wanted him to stay because I've never experienced a love like his. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (MSG), "Love never gives up, love cares more for others than for self, love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first", doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never loooks back, but keeps going to the end". God loves me and he will keep loving me until the end. He doesn't care what my past looks like, he doesn't care what mistakes I made. All he cares about is ME. He wants me, he wants to love me, he cares about me, he always puts me first, he puts up with me and he doesn't keep score of the sins I commit. Why run from a love like that? His love is sweet and comforting. And nobody can ever love me the way he can.
Remember if God wants you, he will get the glory out of your life. Don't run. Let him have you and love you. There is nobody greater than he!
Love,
Kayla.
God asked me if I was bitter, tired and why do I always fight him when it comes to him loving me completely. And I came to realize that at that time I may have said that I give God complete control over that area in my life, but I haven't. Because I was so used to being in control when it came to relationships, in this season of singleness I find it challenging to completely submit to God. I told God that I don't know why I keep running from him, and I never really understood the reason why. Until now. There was once a time where I became completely naked emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually in a relationship. Not once, but twice. Those times in my life impacted me the most and I see it taking full effect right now. I came to God, frustrated and ashamed because I was tired of living the way I was living. So I made the decision to place my promise ring on my finger. Making it my shelter against being naked again. Not realizing that I am being challenged mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. God is challenging me and I am constantly running away from him because I am afraid of being stripped and finding out some things about me and facing the past. So I control the situation by saying that I give it God but all I do is put it under the rug and cover it by saying, your will God and not mines. But I still have access to what I want God to take away from me. I'm searching for a love that is already given to me. God can love me past all my pain, past mistakes, hurt, and disappointments. He wants to love me but I fight him in that area. I was always so quick to put the blame on somebody else. He hurt me, he misled me, I am very disappointed in him. But not looking at the three fingers pointing back at me. What did I do wrong?
God is revealing some things about me but every time we get the topic about relationships I never know the reason why I do the things I do. But I can easily point the finger at the other person. "Well God he hurt me! I did nothing wrong but love him and give my all!", and your point is? 2 Corinthians 6:14 (MSG) says, "Don't become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That's not partnership; that's war". It was a constant war between keeping the person in my life and hurting myself by trying to make them stay. When God came to me and said that he wants me for who I am. I ran. But still wanted him to stay because I've never experienced a love like his. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (MSG), "Love never gives up, love cares more for others than for self, love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first", doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never loooks back, but keeps going to the end". God loves me and he will keep loving me until the end. He doesn't care what my past looks like, he doesn't care what mistakes I made. All he cares about is ME. He wants me, he wants to love me, he cares about me, he always puts me first, he puts up with me and he doesn't keep score of the sins I commit. Why run from a love like that? His love is sweet and comforting. And nobody can ever love me the way he can.
Remember if God wants you, he will get the glory out of your life. Don't run. Let him have you and love you. There is nobody greater than he!
Love,
Kayla.
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