My Story..
When I look back over the years I am in complete awe. My life was a hot mess. I just got to the point where I was tired of being sick and tired. I wasn't always this way. God had to break me, LITERALLY, to get all of my heart. I knew of love but I didn't know how I was supposed to be loved and what love was supposed to feel like. I lost my virginity in middle school. I was always the odd ball. I never really fitted in but I did what I could to fit in. I didn't know my value. They say a father is suppose to show his daughter the true meaning on how to be loved and treated. I love my father and he is the greatest man on this earth. But when it came to being there for his daughter emotionally and spiritually, my dad just wasn't there. So I searched for the love that I wasn't getting from my father, the man who establishes and teaches me my worth. When I lost my virginity I instantly didn't feel the same. I used him to make him want to be in a relationship with me. The next day, he acted as if he didn't know who I was to him. It left me broken, confused and beyond hurt. But I still did everything I could to make him realize that I am the one, I am the girl he wants to be with. While the whole time his eyes was on two different girls.
I always kept somebody in my corner. Not realizing the damage and soul tithes I was carrying along with me. I went a whole year without having sex after I lost my virginity. I couldn't take another heart break. While in that time I was a freshman in high school and I was involved in my local church in Houston. I did everything you could think of. I was on the praise team, praise dance ministry, I went to every function. But I was living a double life. Everybody thought of Kayla as the good girl, no one knew that I had lost my virginity only my friends at the time. I had one foot in and one foot out. I was crazy for Jesus in the church house but outside I was doing things according to the world. In high school I met my first love. It was like fireworks at first sight. Not realizing what I was getting myself into, in a matter of two days we were in a relationship. I told him that he had to wait until 6 months into the relationship for us to have sex. Crazy right? I know. As soon as we got into a relationship things started to get heated. My trust was being tested. There were girls left and right, telling me things about him. I would ask him about it he would deny and say it's not true. I did not know what to believe. But I loved him so I did whatever I could to keep him. 8 months into the relationship we were on thin ice, but I knew I could not let him go. I cared for him. We made up and had sex for the first time. Once that door was open I did not know how to close it. We were addicted. Now here I am I don't trust him, I am in love with him, but I am also living this lie with God. After 10 months I had hit my breaking point. I was tired of the arguing, I was tired of the cheating, I was tired of crying, I was tired of the sleepless nights, and I was tired of having to check on him. So I broke it off. You would think that would have been it for me.
I had a good friend who was always there for me. In 7th grade he was kind of like my first boyfriend (It only lasted for a week). But we had a connection better as friends. He was my go to for everything, we had a special bond. It was the summer before my sophomore year in high school, we hung out a lot. It was one night where things got heated and I knew then that things would never be the same. I thought that he was there for me as my friend but he lusted after me and once he got what he wanted our friendship was different. We would talk and it would be the only thing he would talk about and deep down I knew that it wasn't what I wanted. I was yearning for love but I was searching in the wrong places. I was having sex with guys who I knew didn't want anything to do with me. I was opening up a part of me that was shattered but used guys to cover up those voids. Later that year in 2010, my grandparents came down for thanksgiving from Chicago. I remember my grannie saying, "I had a dream about fishes", me and my mom looked at each other. It could be my mom and it couldn't be me. But nobody in my family knew I wasn't a virgin. I was being careful. So I thought...
January 25, 2011, I woke up with a sharp pain in my stomach. It was so bad that I had to call my mom on the phone to come help me get off the floor. I went to the doctor that same day and I didn't go to school. When I went in the room, I told the doctor what was wrong and where it was hurting. He felt my stomach and left, came back felt my stomach again and left again. When he came back he told me that I needed to do a pee test. OK?? No problem. What felt like eternity, 10 minutes later a lady nurse walks in. She asks me when did I have my last period and I told her. She says, "Well we did a pregnancy test and you are four to six weeks pregnant". I felt like the whole world just stopped. You know how in movies where everybody keeps moving but time just stood still for that person? Yeah, that's how it was for me. All I could say was, "I thought I used a condom". What a nice response here Kayla. I didn't know what to do, how will I explain this to my parents? What do I do now? The conversation with my mom didn't go too well. Not only did I had to tell her that I wasn't a virgin but I am also pregnant too. My dad didn't take it lightly neither, he completely shut me out. And went without talking to me for months. I was alone, afraid, young and pregnant.
But no matter what the situation may look like God can always turn things around for your good. When I went in for an ultrasound, I found out that I was already four months pregnant. I had high expectations that the father would be there but turned out to be wrong. July 25, 2011, I birthed a beautiful baby girl. I already had planned to graduate high school early, having my daughter pushed me to accomplish that goal. After having my daughter I didn't know what to expect of life. But I still had a void that I was trying to fill. I gave my first love a second chance to enter to my life, I figured why not? Everybody deserves a second chance right? It was the same actions, same outcome. Because we had sex before it became the leader of our relationship the second go around. I thought things would be different. He's changed and had some time to think. It took for him to enter my life again for me to realize that I can't keep hurting myself by staying with this boy. I was broken, confused, frustrated, and lost. I am a mother at sixteen years old and I am a wreck.
For a whole year I didn't go to church because I was too ashamed after I went in pregnant. The enemy started attacking me left and right. I was smoking weed to hide my pain and to get away from life. Having sex with guys I'm just meeting. Doing whatever I wanted to do, my family was growing apart. Until one day, God said, it's enough. I packed my bags and went on vacation to Chicago to my grannie house. In that time period I got back into the habit of going to church, I had time to breathe. While being there I lost my great grandmother to a stroke. Seeing all my family come together was the moment of a lifetime. When it got time for me to go back home to Texas. Things were chaotic and my heart started to hurt bad. I did not understand why but my heart was just hurting. Nothing was falling into place for me. I went back into the habit of smoking and running away from my problems. I didn't have no car, no liscense, I moved out to go live with my friend, no job, no money. Just me and my daughter. There would be days where I would just be in the house all day doing nothing, filling out job applications, looking up colleges I wanted to go to. But nothing would fall into place. Until one day God placed it on my heart that I needed to move to Chicago. I was like what? But I was at peace with that descision. I booked the train ticket, packed my stuff and moved.
I was born in Chicago, and lived some of my life there. But my older years were in Texas. So I was in a place that I barely knew. I had a plan. In that time God tested my faith, he put me in a place where he knew I had to totally depend on him. I stopped smoking, I cut off all tithes and I started focusing on me, my daughter, and God. I always wore a ring that says JESUS on it and God placed it on my heart to make it my purity ring. I put it on my right ring finger at first but it didn't sit too well with me. So I asked God what hand did he want me to put it on, and he said to put it on my left ring finger. I never understood why. I grew a relationship with him while having a season of isolation. It got lonely, of course the enemy would test me as well. But I saw God literally working on me and in my life. Things just started falling into place for me. I became sensitive to his presence. But I always beated myself up because I couldn't not hear him or know when he would try to communicate with me. I grew stronger and wiser. He revealed a lot to me, and showed me that he needs me whole heartedly. But there was still a part of me that yearned for love and the world. I was always in a rush to do things, but God had to let me know that I have to have patience. His timing is everything. After almost a year in being in Chicago, I came to visit my family in Texas. My heart got heavy again. It was so heavy that I couldn't breathe. I was battling between moving back home or staying in Chicago. I couldn't hear God, I couldn't feel God. I was an emotional wreck. But then he told me to be still and just be patient. Things started to become clear to me. And I felt more at peace.
I remember reading a blog that Heather Lindsey did, the founder of Pinky Promise, on How To Spend Time With God( http://www.heatherllindsey.com/2012/01/how-to-spend-time-with-god.html#.U-x7CaJX-uZ
). And it was like a slap in my face. I finally knew why God asked me to put my purity ring on my left ring finger. Your left ring finger has a vein that flows all the way to your heart, once that finger is cut off it cuts off the circulation to your heart. Your left ring finger represents marriage as well. After reading that blog, I looked at my hand and realized that I have been married to Christ all this time. But I was cheating on him with this world. I instantly fell on my face. And had a transparent moment with God. I was always shying away from my problems, wondering why I feel the way I feel. When all this time God was trying to fill those voids for me. After that night, I have never been the same. I feel more closer to God and I understand his love for me. What a God? He is simply amazing.
No matter what you go through in life. Remember that God is behind it all. He knew the plan before he even created you. If you are chosen God will have his way in your life no matter what you have already been through good or bad. Your mistakes have been forgiven.
Remember Christ loves you,
Kayla.
P.S. Sorry it's so long. I started typing and I couldn't stop. Lol. Love you!
I always kept somebody in my corner. Not realizing the damage and soul tithes I was carrying along with me. I went a whole year without having sex after I lost my virginity. I couldn't take another heart break. While in that time I was a freshman in high school and I was involved in my local church in Houston. I did everything you could think of. I was on the praise team, praise dance ministry, I went to every function. But I was living a double life. Everybody thought of Kayla as the good girl, no one knew that I had lost my virginity only my friends at the time. I had one foot in and one foot out. I was crazy for Jesus in the church house but outside I was doing things according to the world. In high school I met my first love. It was like fireworks at first sight. Not realizing what I was getting myself into, in a matter of two days we were in a relationship. I told him that he had to wait until 6 months into the relationship for us to have sex. Crazy right? I know. As soon as we got into a relationship things started to get heated. My trust was being tested. There were girls left and right, telling me things about him. I would ask him about it he would deny and say it's not true. I did not know what to believe. But I loved him so I did whatever I could to keep him. 8 months into the relationship we were on thin ice, but I knew I could not let him go. I cared for him. We made up and had sex for the first time. Once that door was open I did not know how to close it. We were addicted. Now here I am I don't trust him, I am in love with him, but I am also living this lie with God. After 10 months I had hit my breaking point. I was tired of the arguing, I was tired of the cheating, I was tired of crying, I was tired of the sleepless nights, and I was tired of having to check on him. So I broke it off. You would think that would have been it for me.
I had a good friend who was always there for me. In 7th grade he was kind of like my first boyfriend (It only lasted for a week). But we had a connection better as friends. He was my go to for everything, we had a special bond. It was the summer before my sophomore year in high school, we hung out a lot. It was one night where things got heated and I knew then that things would never be the same. I thought that he was there for me as my friend but he lusted after me and once he got what he wanted our friendship was different. We would talk and it would be the only thing he would talk about and deep down I knew that it wasn't what I wanted. I was yearning for love but I was searching in the wrong places. I was having sex with guys who I knew didn't want anything to do with me. I was opening up a part of me that was shattered but used guys to cover up those voids. Later that year in 2010, my grandparents came down for thanksgiving from Chicago. I remember my grannie saying, "I had a dream about fishes", me and my mom looked at each other. It could be my mom and it couldn't be me. But nobody in my family knew I wasn't a virgin. I was being careful. So I thought...
January 25, 2011, I woke up with a sharp pain in my stomach. It was so bad that I had to call my mom on the phone to come help me get off the floor. I went to the doctor that same day and I didn't go to school. When I went in the room, I told the doctor what was wrong and where it was hurting. He felt my stomach and left, came back felt my stomach again and left again. When he came back he told me that I needed to do a pee test. OK?? No problem. What felt like eternity, 10 minutes later a lady nurse walks in. She asks me when did I have my last period and I told her. She says, "Well we did a pregnancy test and you are four to six weeks pregnant". I felt like the whole world just stopped. You know how in movies where everybody keeps moving but time just stood still for that person? Yeah, that's how it was for me. All I could say was, "I thought I used a condom". What a nice response here Kayla. I didn't know what to do, how will I explain this to my parents? What do I do now? The conversation with my mom didn't go too well. Not only did I had to tell her that I wasn't a virgin but I am also pregnant too. My dad didn't take it lightly neither, he completely shut me out. And went without talking to me for months. I was alone, afraid, young and pregnant.
But no matter what the situation may look like God can always turn things around for your good. When I went in for an ultrasound, I found out that I was already four months pregnant. I had high expectations that the father would be there but turned out to be wrong. July 25, 2011, I birthed a beautiful baby girl. I already had planned to graduate high school early, having my daughter pushed me to accomplish that goal. After having my daughter I didn't know what to expect of life. But I still had a void that I was trying to fill. I gave my first love a second chance to enter to my life, I figured why not? Everybody deserves a second chance right? It was the same actions, same outcome. Because we had sex before it became the leader of our relationship the second go around. I thought things would be different. He's changed and had some time to think. It took for him to enter my life again for me to realize that I can't keep hurting myself by staying with this boy. I was broken, confused, frustrated, and lost. I am a mother at sixteen years old and I am a wreck.
For a whole year I didn't go to church because I was too ashamed after I went in pregnant. The enemy started attacking me left and right. I was smoking weed to hide my pain and to get away from life. Having sex with guys I'm just meeting. Doing whatever I wanted to do, my family was growing apart. Until one day, God said, it's enough. I packed my bags and went on vacation to Chicago to my grannie house. In that time period I got back into the habit of going to church, I had time to breathe. While being there I lost my great grandmother to a stroke. Seeing all my family come together was the moment of a lifetime. When it got time for me to go back home to Texas. Things were chaotic and my heart started to hurt bad. I did not understand why but my heart was just hurting. Nothing was falling into place for me. I went back into the habit of smoking and running away from my problems. I didn't have no car, no liscense, I moved out to go live with my friend, no job, no money. Just me and my daughter. There would be days where I would just be in the house all day doing nothing, filling out job applications, looking up colleges I wanted to go to. But nothing would fall into place. Until one day God placed it on my heart that I needed to move to Chicago. I was like what? But I was at peace with that descision. I booked the train ticket, packed my stuff and moved.
I was born in Chicago, and lived some of my life there. But my older years were in Texas. So I was in a place that I barely knew. I had a plan. In that time God tested my faith, he put me in a place where he knew I had to totally depend on him. I stopped smoking, I cut off all tithes and I started focusing on me, my daughter, and God. I always wore a ring that says JESUS on it and God placed it on my heart to make it my purity ring. I put it on my right ring finger at first but it didn't sit too well with me. So I asked God what hand did he want me to put it on, and he said to put it on my left ring finger. I never understood why. I grew a relationship with him while having a season of isolation. It got lonely, of course the enemy would test me as well. But I saw God literally working on me and in my life. Things just started falling into place for me. I became sensitive to his presence. But I always beated myself up because I couldn't not hear him or know when he would try to communicate with me. I grew stronger and wiser. He revealed a lot to me, and showed me that he needs me whole heartedly. But there was still a part of me that yearned for love and the world. I was always in a rush to do things, but God had to let me know that I have to have patience. His timing is everything. After almost a year in being in Chicago, I came to visit my family in Texas. My heart got heavy again. It was so heavy that I couldn't breathe. I was battling between moving back home or staying in Chicago. I couldn't hear God, I couldn't feel God. I was an emotional wreck. But then he told me to be still and just be patient. Things started to become clear to me. And I felt more at peace.
I remember reading a blog that Heather Lindsey did, the founder of Pinky Promise, on How To Spend Time With God( http://www.heatherllindsey.com/2012/01/how-to-spend-time-with-god.html#.U-x7CaJX-uZ
). And it was like a slap in my face. I finally knew why God asked me to put my purity ring on my left ring finger. Your left ring finger has a vein that flows all the way to your heart, once that finger is cut off it cuts off the circulation to your heart. Your left ring finger represents marriage as well. After reading that blog, I looked at my hand and realized that I have been married to Christ all this time. But I was cheating on him with this world. I instantly fell on my face. And had a transparent moment with God. I was always shying away from my problems, wondering why I feel the way I feel. When all this time God was trying to fill those voids for me. After that night, I have never been the same. I feel more closer to God and I understand his love for me. What a God? He is simply amazing.
No matter what you go through in life. Remember that God is behind it all. He knew the plan before he even created you. If you are chosen God will have his way in your life no matter what you have already been through good or bad. Your mistakes have been forgiven.
Remember Christ loves you,
Kayla.
P.S. Sorry it's so long. I started typing and I couldn't stop. Lol. Love you!
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