So I wait..

For some reason ever since I had asked myself,  when did I become so busy ? It has been weighing on my heart. When did I really become so busy? Until one night coming home from work late at night and I get home, getting ready for bed and for some reason I could not fall asleep. And I knew instantly that God needed to speak with me. So I pulled out my journal. And I started writing. Before I went any further I started praying. My heart was so heavy and I knew it was one of those moments with God that I needed to be me and pray a real sincere prayer. After I prayed I got back to writing and instantly God spoke back to me. I realized while he was talking to me that the reason I stay so busy is because I am avoiding those transparent moments with God. I put this wall up and I beat myself up because I am running away from my fears instead of facing them. I can come to God about anything else but when it comes to doing a work in me and facing what is wrong with me, I run. God stresses it...

So I was just doing one of my studies and a question came up, what was the last thing that God told you to do? Are you doing it? And it made me go back into my old journal and over look one of my writings to God. I came up on the last journal entry and it was a conversation I was having with God and it happened to be a deep conversation. God asked me if I was bitter, tired and why do I always fight him when it comes to him loving me completely. And I came to realize that at that time I may have said that I give God complete control over that area in my life, but I haven't. Because I was so used to being in control when it came to relationships, in this season of singleness I find it challenging to completely submit to God. I told God that I don't know why I keep running from him, and I never really understood the reason why. Until now. There was once a time where I became completely naked emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually in a relationship. Not once, but twic...